“Thank u, next.”

So. Here we are. 

I've thought long and hard about this. 

All. Semester. Long. 

It has taken quite some time for me to gather myself, my life, and my thoughts. 

It has taken even longer to figure out how to correctly, respectfully, authentically,

and wholeheartedly explain what these last 2 months and 6 days has felt like.

It certainly has felt like a lifetime (just realizing it was "only" 8 weeks [filled with lots of self reflection]). 

Yet, nonetheless, here we are. 

Friends,

I wish I could say that I managed to defeat every demon I faced in the duration of my absence from this blog in the exact manner I wished to have defeated them. I wish I could give everyone the unfortunate, raw, authentic spill about every little piece of crazy that I have lived in these past months.

Bottom line is, I would If I could, but I can't. However, what I can do, is tell you what I have learned: 

(let's do 1 lesson for each week I was gone, for the fun of it). 

Life Lessons of 2018  

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1. God is not here to play with yo ass. Yep. I said it. HE IS NOT HERE TO PLAY WITH YOUR DONKEY BEHIND.

I'm going to touch back on exactly what I mean in a later bullet, but I will say the good Lord sure did humble me to a pulp this year and it was NEEDED. You think you have your life figured out? Haaaaaaaaaaa. If it doesn't match up to what God has planned for you, I will tell you from first hand experience there is nothing you can do to duck and dodge your destiny chile. Whew. 

2. A private life is a very blissful life. 

Being the social butterfly I have always been made it extremely difficult to adapt to being so disconnected from everyone that I'm used to being around on a normal basis. These last few months have been ROUGH. I began this blog as an outlet to share situations as these, but it had been so long since I had any bad days or crazy experiences, or loss. I had gotten comfortable being so well off. And then it stopped. Things started going wrong, and started going wrong very quickly. Escalating. Turning into other crazy, unheard-of, ungodly stories that gets to the greater public eye and has all the more reason to be watered with even more lies and bullshit. That's been my life. I can't give the details (the internet is a crazy place these days), but I can say it has forced me to grow in more ways I thought necessary. I have learned to love the phrase "Less is More." Have more than you show. Speak less than you know. Keep people out your mix. Share what you feel comfortable with, and not a word more. The more private you are with your moves and your lifestyle, the less that can be ruined by others. 

3. Not every human being that knows of you, likes you. Reality....Even when you are certain you are loved by all, you are not.

This was very hard. Probably one of the hardest lessons to learn. If you only knew how shook I've been to find specific people who hold opposition toward me that I had never even known about. Some, more than others, for reasons I can't explain because some I have never seen nor spoke to a day in my life. But somehow, some way, these people make way to my social outlets, dig & dig & dig until they find a reason to dislike me..however small or insignificant the reason may be. Or, maybe that isn't it. Maybe the friend of the friend doesn't like me. God only knows because I love everyone. That includes those who do not have my best interest as any priority to them. That's ok. 

I am saying this because I had to learn the hard way that not every person is going to like you whether they know you or not, and you can not try to change their mind. Stop trying to go out of your way to prove your character to people. People will hate you because of you hair. Your relationship. Your intelligence. Your melanin. Issa mess. But it's a mess I have stopped trying to understand and started using as motivation to be the bigger and better person. With that being said, keep in mind in everything that you do that there are people that ARE NOT FOR YOU, that are watching you too. Don't expect to be loved by everyone. It's inevitable that jealous, hateful, conniving people live on this planet. Just don't make yourself a victim to any of them. 

4. Living a life of purpose is much more valuable than a life filled with pointless successes. 

What do I mean by "pointless" successes? Lemme tell y'all something. If you aren't 1000000% passionate in what you are doing, it doesn't matter if you do it well or not, it was not purposeful to YOU. Being a strong student and having dealt with life hard af this semester has given me a totally new perspective on how I view the way I move. I will not invest my time into anything that doesn't make me feel pure bliss anymore.  It can be as simple as wtf I wash my clothes with, if it aint lavender dryer sheets in the dryer I don't want it. What's the point in doing things just to say you did them when they aren't making you feel joy? Dedicate yourself to living a purposeful life. Travel. Date. Eat lots of different food. Start a business that consist of your favorite hobby and love the shit out of it. That's making way for a wonderful life. 

5. Until you let go of the timeline you set for your life & allow God to have his way over your life, you will not know true peace. God can grant you peace, even in the ugliest of circumstances. Just follow his instructions. 

Yikessss. Wanna know how I got to this lesson? You really don't, lol. This may actually be the hardest lesson AND the lesson I am most grateful for. Difficult because, this lesson had to truly crush my spirit to the core in order for it to make me better. I think it's funny looking back, though it still stings, and realizing just how low you felt at that point in your life..then thinking about how much you have grown since just a short span of 8 weeks. THEN thinking to yourself "Nobody knows a damn thing looking at me from the outside because I'm the strong friend and I always have it together." 

Had** it together, sis. Past tense af.

This is going to get lengthy but I am just so appreciative of every lesson God allows me to witness because the outcome is always so beautiful amidst the storm. I was shook for a very long time. Initially, I was angry.. hurt..confused..uncooperative..restless..broken. I hadn't done anything wrong. I had been killing it in school and was ready to have the 4.0 I deserved. Do you know God really looked down on me and said "Nah fam" (Dom's Translation). Man I was so lost. I didn't tell anyone. My boyfriend got glimpses of where I was at mentally and emotionally and spiritually, but I even tried to put the strong face on for him because that's just what I do. I do not like vulnerability, but I have learned the art of letting yourself be a lil vulnerable sometimes instead of driving yourself up a wall. For majority of the past nearly 9 weeks, the only souls that knew my pain 100% where Mom and Pop (only b/c they sort of HAD to know). They reassured me they would fight with me every step of the way, but I had to be strong. So, I was strong.

I faced multiple traumatic ordeals with not only my academic life, but personal trauma, spiritual trauma, trauma with my overall health because I had completely stopped prioritizing how I treat my body due to stress. The same girl who 5 years ago survived losing two of the best grandparents two months apart from each other, witnessing her entire family divide and the crazy things that money makes people do, who's people separated, who got into a severe car wreck and got her heart broken for the first time all in a 10 month timeline and STILL held her chin up through it ALL.....was nearly broken in half by the few detours put into my path this year.  

I have learned to let go of my watch. Stop rushing to get to this 'certain' ultimate destination of your life because 1. Your destination in life is NEVER certain..and 2.You are missing the entire scenic route on the road to get there. You will lose yourself obsessing over your future and realize in 10 years that you lived absolutely none of your youth out the way you wish you could have. I don't know how spiritual y'all are and I don't judge anybody for what they believe or don't believe in (especially because I'm a lil unorthodox myself) but  I know one thing for sure and it's that God has an insanely big plan for me. He opened my eyes to just how precious my time is, and though I fought with him a WHOLE ride to get to this point, I am here and I am filled with peace. 

6. Life is so unfair. 

Sigh. Unfortunately, this is one of my most recent lessons. I lost a very special person to an absolutely horrific tragedy on Thanksgiving Day, and I have not been okay since. I feel that there was a reason we began to start connecting more and more this year, and it was meant for her to share her life with me so that I have the lessons that I have today. She was nurturing. supportive. beautiful. kind. goal driven. creative. & INVESTED IN YOU. More than anything I wish I could thank her a million times over, but she knew she was special. 

I don't want to get too emotional on this one because I think I have cried more tears than I can produce in the last week and a half, but I just want to say We love you Jada Bright. Everyone does. Friends, Strangers, Family. Colleagues. You are always going to be an inspiration to me and to all of us from the 100 day challenge, and to everyone from both of your universities, and everyone in our hometown that was blessed to know your name and glowing face. You have taught me that life is so very fragile. So very unfair. You have also shown me that living your purest, most fun, passionate life should be an every day goal (while looking beat, of course). This girl did not miss a BEAT, figuratively and literally. I have realized that all the time I spent succumbing to my trials I have wasted. forever. I will never get those two months back. They're gone, and I GAVE THEM UP only to have them used against me in my own damn life. I am so thankful to have known you Jada, and I will forever prioritize living my purest, most authentic, limitless life. This has been extremely hard to understand, but I know your soul had a job to do and it did that job very very well for very many other souls. Rest. 

7. Never let your emotions override your intelligence. 

This is pretty self explanatory. Let me be blunt here. The Internet sucks. It's like you say something, and then ten mins later people are sending things to you like "Hey, did you see this about you?" or "Hey! I didn't know you were having a baby" or my favorite "Hey, So & So told me that you told So & So that *continues with long drawn out fabricated story*." People are strange. Correction. STRANGERS* I have never even met, are strange. But that is beside the point. A major flaw I have come to observe and correct is that I always have to prove my damn prideful ass points. If something is bothering me, I am extremely confrontational about it. Sometimes it is a blessing, but usually, not so much. Long story short, I found myself "getting into my feelings" or as some of the rumor agonists would say my "outbursting on twitter." I could've made myself Donkey of the Day for how unconscious of a decision that was. It was something said out of pure frustration that was not only fed & watered with hearsay from others, but it turned into an absolute nightmare and put me in positions that you wouldn't believe. I realized very quickly that people truly admire me, AND that others truly wish to keep me from my goals. Even when things do not always work the way I intend them to or people do you wrong, you can't allow emotion to take over and you say things that you can never erase again (b/c baby I have learned, screen shots do not lie & you can't say anything to refute them thangs). Think. If someone makes you angry, THROW YOUR PHONE ACROSS THE ROOM. Turn it off, delete your apps. SOMETHINGGGG. But do not and I mean DO NOT ever let your emotion get the best of you. Speak with intelligence, not feelings. Whether it be via twitter and instagram ranting or in face to face life of the every day world. Think about your decisions. Each one can hand you a different outcome in life, so choose with wisdom and not emotion. 

8. Self devotion is much more powerful than the simple concept of 'self love'. 

So I am going to be honest. I accidentally deleted the long ass paragraph under this bullet. So I think God was trying tell me keep it cute and keep it on mute so I can end this post before I turn 30 lol. What have I learned about self love? It's great af. You're happy af. I love me and I hope you love you. I have come to understand, however, that loving yourself is not enough. Very much subpar if you ask me. What are you doing to show yourself that you are DEVOTED to loving you, 100%. No limits. No doubts. Just purely focusing on yourself and what makes your soul singggggg. Stop trying to be superwoman or superman. Stop trying to be the devoted superstudent, superdaughter/superson, supergirlfriend, superboyfriend, superbusinessowner, superbestfriend, supermentor. All of that is great, but why are you not giving yourself that same energy that you put into everybody else around you? Life is genuinely short as hell. I spend so much time investing into other's lives and investing into my future for reasons that aren't always completely necessary at.this.present.moment. I have decided that my entire 2019 will be DEVOTED af. I am dedicating myself to exploring my life, exploring places I've never been, exploring with friends and family I will never forget, and doing any and every possible thing I can think to do that will make me feel pure bliss. I think these folk call it a "gap year," but it's really more of a soul discovery tour while I take a step back from the unfortunate experiences I have encountered and remind myself that no goal is worth being that miserable over. Taking time off to secure your mental and physical health doesn't mean you're quitting or giving in. If anything, it means you are creating a stronger force around yourself to reboot and come back stronger than you have ever been. I forgot to add in (again) that I had the best academic semester of nursing school I had ever had this semester. I was soaring through my exams. I aced my written papers. I aced my clinicals. I aced all THREE of my presentations and group project. I did the damn thing with grace, humility and absolute RESILIENCE. (I'm being very meek but I deserve a pat on the back because whew chile). It was rocky, and rough, and created divisions in my relationships and personal life and divisions within myself to the point that I know to never go back to that place in life again. 

Nevertheless, God showed me one good time what I needed to see and I SEE IT. I see what's important. I see what needs more of my energy, as well as what needs much much less. I let go of the crazy extremely unnecessary timeline I had on my goals and realized some of them weren't really goals. More like trophies that just sit over the fireplace for company to see but you can't really even remember what you won them for. If it doesn't make me feel like I'm going to be exactly who I want to be and not just WHAT I want to be in life, count me out. I'm only seeking the experiences that are going to benefit myself & my passion in helping others. God blessed me after he let me feel a lot of struggle and loss and bitterness. He's shown me what I need to do with my life and blessed every step I have taken since finally giving into his hand ON TOP OF giving me my peace of mind back!!! All it took was tough love and an ego check lol.   

This, my friends, is what I leave ya with. I've been gone a minute (more like 123245243 minutes) but I am B A C K to my normal routine  I am looking forward to this free period to experience more life outside of studying until I cry and working full time. I'm 22 and thriving. I deserve to live my 20s out the same way I plan to live my 30s and 40s and 50s ... (except i'm younger and have way less in my piggy bank). Not everyone is guaranteed to see 80 years old, or 40, or even 25. Start living NOW. Do not limit yourself or feel like you have to do what society says do in the order it says to do it just so that you fit in with "the norm."

I hope you can gain something from my super long narrative. I haven't done one of these in a very long time, but I've missed you all and my blog, and I look forward to sharing more with you soon (Only as much as I'm comfortable with :) I will also add in that my all natural hair and skin care shop has been THRIVING and I am so blessed, follow my business page on Instagram @lettiaorganics and keep up with all of my goodies that can be shopped on this blog! 

Love so so so so greatly,

-Dom 2.0 (Coming Soon)

P.S. @ this year....Thank you, next.